Spontaneity scares you? That’s control.
And It’s Costing You.
How does the word spontaneous make you feel?
Excited? Or slightly panicked?
If the word spontaneous makes you feel a little anxious, this is for you.
If you are anything like Old Me, anything that triggers uncertainty feels terrifying because you don’t trust yourself to handle it.
I used to deal with uncertainty by trying to control everything outside of myself, instead of facing the part of me that couldn’t handle being thrown off.
Recently, I had planned to go running at 6 am. After throwing on a sports bra and running shorts, pulling my hair back into a ponytail, and slipping my feet into my pink running shoes, I stepped into the pre-dawn air to start my day.
That’s when I noticed the rain. It was only a drizzle, but the still-rising sun partially illuminated the foreboding dark clouds.
I enjoy running in the rain, but I had an on-camera 9 am podcast guest appearance, and I don’t own a hair dryer. Not looking like a drowned rat on the interview was more important than the run, so I promptly went back inside.
Going off plan is something that would have sent Old Me into a fit of anxiety, but it was no problem for New Me to raincheck my run for the next morning.
Late morning, my schedule opened, and I checked the surf forecast in the hopes of taking a surf break like I usually do midday. The ocean conditions didn’t look great, and that’s when I felt the spontaneous urge to go for a run.
Old Me couldn’t ignore the second call and spoke up:
Wait, what? You can’t go running today. You already planned to reschedule for tomorrow morning. This isn’t part of the plan.
I don’t like uncertainty.
Just go surfing. The waves may be sloppy, but it’s part of the plan.
New Me, who isn’t afraid to challenge Old Me, didn’t skip a beat:
So, you’re going to go surfing in crappy conditions and not even enjoy yourself so that you can feel in control?
Plus, it’s cloudy today, so this is a perfect opportunity to go for a run during the day because it’s not too hot.
I like getting out of my comfort zone because I know that’s how I learn and grow.
Still feeling hesitant, I went through the same motions as earlier by throwing on a sports bra and running shorts, pulling my hair back into a ponytail, and slipping my feet into my pink running shoes. I stepped into the mid-morning air to start my run.
My typical route is a 3.5-mile loop that goes around a golf course and a water canal that separates my neighborhood from Waikiki. After looping around the side of the golf course, I settled into my pace and got into the zone.
“Angie!” A voice behind me shouted my name, slicing through my flow state.
The Chicagoan in me was on guard and ready to defend myself physically, if necessary. Every muscle tightened as my stride came to a screeching halt. But my brain put on the brakes as I realized that whoever was behind me knew my name, which meant they probably weren’t a threat.
Or were they?
Still unsure, I quickly whipped my head around and saw my friend Makoa from surfing. We laughed, and I noticed that he was wearing running attire. He seemed to be the person I had just passed. I didn’t even recognize him from behind.
“Are you running?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m training for a half-marathon,” he replied.
“Let’s run then!” I responded.
We ran together for the rest of the loop. It was nice having a partner on the run, and it was the first time I had connected to Makoa outside of surfing.
The next time I ran into him surfing, he thanked me because I had pushed him harder and further than he would have ran on his own. And I was thankful for the serendipity and getting out of my routine.
None of that would have happened if I had stuck to the plan.
We’re all abundant. But sometimes we block our own blessings because we’re too busy trying to control everything to receive them.
Abundance expands when you learn to trust yourself. This doesn’t mean you have all the answers and plan everything perfectly. It means that you trust yourself to figure it out, no matter how difficult or uncertain it gets.
Yes, routines and strategies can be helpful. But a plan that keeps you closed off to life is a self-imposed prison.
Abundance isn’t just about money, although that’s part of it. It’s about living a life that overflows with a deep sense of fulfillment and inner peace, even when life isn’t perfect. It’s about being so solid about who you are that not even a change in running routines will throw your day off.
If you only trust what you can control, you will miss everything that requires being open to receive. Spontaneity is an opportunity to be open and receive. But if you don’t trust yourself, you will say no every time.
So, the question isn’t:
Do I like spontaneity?
It’s:
Do I trust myself enough to handle what I didn’t plan?
Old Me needed a plan to feel safe. New Me trusts herself enough to handle what the plan can’t.
Where in your life are you choosing the crappy waves because they’re part of the plan? What would happen if you trusted the spontaneous urge instead?
The blessing is in the detour.
Glow Tip:
This is something simple you can start implementing in your day-to-day life.
Notice the next time life throws you a curveball and your first reaction is frustration, resistance, or “this isn’t what I planned.”
Maybe it’s:
• A plan falling through or getting disrupted
• Something breaking
• An urge to stick to the plan, even when it doesn’t feel right anymore
• That internal voice saying, “I don’t have a backup plan.”
Before reacting, pause. And ask yourself:
Am I choosing control, or am I open to receiving something better?
Instead of forcing what you originally planned, try this:
Respond like the version of you who trusts herself to handle the unknown.
You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to trust that you can figure it out.
Self-trust is built in the moments when things don’t go as planned, and you choose to show up anyway. This is the shift from controlling your life to actually experiencing it.
And when you start moving this way, those “inconveniences” stop feeling like disruptions and start revealing themselves as opportunities.
And that’s what it means to shine from the inside.
Want to Go Deeper?
My Against the Grain: Designing a Life that Feels Good on YouTube breaks down how to become an independent thinker and start creating a life that actually feels aligned, expansive, and yours.
Inside the playlist, you’ll learn how to:
• Break out of the comparison trap and stop chasing a life that only looks good
• Identify the fear-based beliefs that are quietly running your decisions
• Stop people-pleasing and build self-trust strong enough to disappoint others without abandoning yourself
• Understand why you feel stuck, numb, or disconnected, even when life seems “fine”
• Expand your identity instead of shrinking yourself to fit expectations
• Redefine success on your own terms and build a life that actually feels good
• Fully express yourself without filtering who you are
Because growth is about becoming the woman who is fully expressed and doesn’t give a sh*t what other people think of it.
If your life looks good on paper but doesn’t feel good, this series is for you.
I’m Angie Hawkins, The Inner Glow Coach. I help high-achieving women question everything they’ve been taught, build self-trust, and create a life that actually feels good.
Your next level starts when you stop following rules that were never meant for you.
▶ Link to Against the Grain: Designing a Life That Feels Good playlist
