Why You Take Things Personally. And How to Stay Steady When the Wave Hits.
Most of the time, it’s not about you. But your reaction is everything.
Recently, I went surfing at my usual local spot on Oahu’s south shore.
I almost always choose that spot out of convenience. I store my board there, and logistically, it just makes sense. Plus, the waves are nice.
The downside of this is that this spot is right in the center of Waikiki, so it tends to be overcrowded with tourist kooks (beginners who lack ocean awareness and basic etiquette, which can make things feel chaotic and, at times, unsafe).
Because I have been surfing at this break for years, I am very fortunate that a lot of the locals are very nice to me.
Some of the guys have even given me a free pass to drop in on their waves whenever I want. I don’t take advantage of that often, but when I do, they’re generous about sharing the waves because there is no need to gatekeep the waves.
Unfortunately, there are also some very territorial, aggressive surfers at this spot.
Like navigating the kooks, dealing with them requires a certain mental and emotional capacity. And I don’t like to give my energy to it. I go surfing to relax and have fun, not to fight for waves.
There are plenty of waves for everyone.
So even though the ideal position is at the peak, I’ll sometimes sit further out on the shoulder simply to avoid the aggression.
That’s exactly where I was sitting the other day when a man I know (let’s call him Kai) paddled over to say hi. After our greeting, he gestured toward the peak and said, “It’s breaking better over there.”
I felt myself get defensive immediately.
Why is he mansplaining to me where to sit?
I know where to sit. I just don’t want to be over there right now.
If he’s mansplaining to me, then that means that he thinks I don’t know how to surf.
If he thinks I don’t know how to surf, then that means he thinks I’m an idiot.
If he thinks I’m an idiot, then that means I am worthless.
Then, my self-awareness kicked in.
I’m not worthless. I’m not an idiot. I know how to surf.
Old me would have rushed to explain myself to make sure he understood exactly why I was sitting on the shoulder to manage his perception of me.
New me didn’t really care what he thought. I knew why I was sitting here, and that was enough.
“I know,” I said.
Kai kept talking, mostly about himself. And as he did, I noticed something in his voice: an underlying need to prove something. Which made me realize his comment had very little to do with me in the first place.
And that’s just it. Most of the time, other people’s behavior toward you isn’t actually about you at all. Unless I was surfing with poor etiquette, there was nothing I needed to explain or apologize for.
The aggression, the wave hoarding, and the need to prove something to a stranger in the lineup is broke energy.
Not financially broke. Energetically broke. Scarcity thinking. Broke and abundant energy are about way more than just money.
The belief that there isn’t enough, enough waves, enough validation, enough worth, so you have to fight, hoard, and dominate to get yours is a way of showing up in life.
Abundant energy moves differently. It paddles out knowing there are enough waves for everyone. It doesn’t need to prove anything. It doesn’t need to take from you to feel powerful. It’s too busy actually enjoying the ocean.
And the thing is, you can spot broke energy everywhere once you start looking: in the office, in relationships, and in the voice in your own head that spirals from “He thinks I’m an idiot” all the way to “I am worthless” in about four seconds flat.
The inner work isn’t about never going there. It’s about catching yourself when you do, and making a different choice.
Because when you’re truly operating from abundance, you don’t need to explain yourself, defend yourself, or prove anything to anyone.
You just say “I know.”
Glow Tip:
This is something simple you can start implementing in your day-to-day life.
Notice the next time someone says or does something, and your first reaction is defensiveness, overthinking, or taking it personally.
Maybe it’s:
• A comment that rubs you the wrong way
• Someone giving unsolicited advice
• Feeling misunderstood or judged
• That internal spiral that turns one small moment into something bigger
Before reacting, pause. And ask yourself:
Is this actually about me, or am I making it about me?
Instead of spiraling or explaining yourself, try this:
Respond like the version of you who knows who she is and doesn’t need to prove it.
You don’t need to control how people show up. You don’t need to manage their perception of you.
You simply need to trust yourself enough to stay grounded when the wave hits.
Self-trust is not built when everything feels easy. It’s built when something triggers you, and you choose not to spiral.
This is the shift from reacting automatically to riding the wave with intention.
And when you start moving this way, then other people’s energy stops pulling you under and starts revealing itself for what it is: something that has nothing to do with you.
And that’s what it means to shine from the inside.
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If this resonated, that’s because of how you’ve been conditioned to think, decide, and move in your life and with your money.
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Want to Go Deeper?
My Against the Grain: Designing a Life that Feels Good on YouTube breaks down how to become an independent thinker and start creating a life that actually feels aligned, expansive, and yours.
Inside the playlist, you’ll learn how to:
• Break out of the comparison trap and stop chasing a life that only looks good
• Stop people-pleasing and build self-trust strong enough to disappoint others without abandoning yourself
• Understand why you feel stuck, numb, or disconnected, even when life seems “fine”
• Redefine success on your own terms and build a life that actually feels good
Because growth is about becoming the woman who is fully expressed and doesn’t give a sh*t what other people think of it.
If your life looks good on paper but doesn’t feel good, this series is for you.
I’m Angie Hawkins, The Inner Glow Coach. I help high-achieving women question everything they’ve been taught, build self-trust, and create a life that actually feels good.
Your next level starts when you stop following rules that were never meant for you.
Watch here: https://youtu.be/4E5mqhlHHtc
With Love & Fire,
Angie
https://www.innerglowbyangie.com/
Angie Hawkins is The Inner Glow Coach who helps ambitious, self-aware women expand their inner and outer wealth, so their life finally feels as good as it looks.
She works with women who’ve read Think and Grow Rich, keep booking Bali retreats, or affirm “I am abundant” in the mirror, but are still stuck between knowing information and making actual change.
Through her signature GLOW Method, combining identity work, practical money strategy, and real-time action, she helps them build fierce self-trust so they can confidently earn, handle, and grow their money, and finally make the bold moves they’ve been talking themselves out of.
She is the author of Running in Slippers, a raw and vulnerable memoir about finding resilience after emotional rock bottom.
Angie has moved from Chicago to Hawaii on her own, jumped out of a helicopter and into the ocean Navy SEAL-style, bungee jumped, skydived, and cliff jumped, yet is still terrified about allowing herself to be seen.
Explore more of Angie’s work at https://www.innerglowbyangie.com/, including her memoir Running in Slippers and her Inner Glow Overflow coaching program.
