You’re Not Lacking Confidence. You’re Underestimating Yourself
The Moment I Realized I Don’t Always See Myself Clearly
I was a guest on a podcast this week, and at one point, we were talking about my story, my work, my journey, the things I’ve lived and learned.
Mid-conversation, the host paused and said, “Do you know how amazing you are?”
And it completely caught me off guard.
Because, despite the years of inner work I’ve done and even though I genuinely do love myself, I realized something uncomfortable in that moment:
I don’t always see myself that way. At least not consistently, instinctively, or without effort.
And that surprised me.
Because I talk a lot about self-worth, self-trust, and self-acceptance, and here I was thinking I was walking the walk, but realizing that I don’t always hold myself in the same regard as others sometimes do.
So, I took time to process what that means and how I can show up differently for myself.
One reason that I am sharing this is simple. I had to remind myself that I am amazing. And if you’re reading this, I’m going to remind you too.
You are amazing.
If you don’t immediately recognize your own greatness, that doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Sometimes it just means you’ve been too busy surviving, performing, or moving forward to stop and take it in.
So, pause for a second. Think about what you’ve lived through, what you have learned, what you have carried, and what you have accomplished.
Simply acknowledge the greatness in all of it.
The Labels We Accept and the Ones We Don’t
There was another part of that conversation that stayed with me. At one point, she described me as artsy.
She mentioned my background, my glasses, and my fingernail art, which are details I honestly didn’t think much of. She used the word so casually, but it stuck.
Because artsy is not a word I would use to describe myself.
Creative? Sure. Artsy? Not really. At least… not until I thought about it.
I’ve been doing nail art on myself for almost fifteen years now. I think I started around 2012 or 2013. Anyone who knows me knows I have a very particular sense of style. I’ve always gravitated toward expression, aesthetics, and originality, even if I didn’t consciously label it that way.
And it made me realize something important: We don’t just limit ourselves by what we say we aren’t. We limit ourselves by what we never even consider ourselves to be.
Identity Shapes Belief and Belief Shapes Behavior
That moment sparked a deeper reflection.
If I don’t identify as an artist, how much have I been limiting my own creativity and expression?
How many directions haven’t I explored, not because I wasn’t capable, but because my identity didn’t include them?
Your identity shapes your beliefs. And your beliefs shape what you allow yourself to do, try, and become.
When we hold narrow definitions of who we are, we quietly shrink our own potential. Not because we lack talent or desire, but because our self-concept hasn’t expanded enough to include it.
And the most dangerous version of this isn’t self-doubt. It’s unconscious self-limiting. Because you can’t choose what you don’t believe is available to you.
Don’t be so quick to decide who you are not.
Don’t dismiss qualities, identities, or possibilities just because you’ve never claimed them before.
And don’t underestimate how often you might be the one standing between yourself and your next level of expression, joy, or fulfillment.
This reflection was helpful for me, and that’s why I’m sharing it.
You don’t need permission to expand how you see yourself.
Sometimes all it takes is being willing to ask: What if I’m more than I thought?
An Identity Expansion Exercise
This isn’t about forcing a new identity or hyping yourself up. It’s about noticing where you may be quietly limiting yourself.
Take a few minutes with this and use pen and paper if you can.
Step 1: Notice the Labels You Automatically Use
Answer this without overthinking:
“I am the kind of person who is __________.”
Write down the words you instinctively reach for. Be honest, even if it’s slightly uncomfortable.
Now ask yourself:
Which of these feels safe?
Which of these feels familiar?
Which of these feels small?
Step 2: Identify the Labels You Resist
Now complete this sentence:
“I would never describe myself as __________.”
Pay attention to the ones that make you laugh, cringe, or immediately reject.
Ask yourself:
Do I actually lack this quality, or do I just not identify with it?
Who would I become if this were allowed to be true?
Step 3: Borrow a Mirror
Think of someone you trust, or even someone who’s surprised you with how they see you.
Ask:
What qualities do they consistently see in me that I downplay?
What compliments do I deflect instead of receiving?
Write them down without arguing with them. This isn’t about deciding they’re “right.” It’s about noticing where your self-image may be outdated.
Step 4: Expand, Don’t Replace
Try this sentence:
“I am allowed to see myself as __________, even if it feels unfamiliar.”
Sit with the discomfort. Expansion almost always feels strange before it feels true.
And the way you see yourself quietly dictates what you allow, what you pursue, and what you dismiss before you ever try.
You don’t need to become someone else. You may just need to stop underestimating who you already are.
Because tapping back into your amazing-ness is how you shine from the inside.
Glow Tip:
Identity Expansion
If you instinctively downplay your strengths, talents, or impact, it’s not because you’re humble or lacking confidence. It’s because your nervous system learned that standing out once came with consequences.
Self-minimization is a survival reflex, not self-awareness.
For a long time, I thought keeping a realistic view of myself meant I was grounded, evolved, and emotionally intelligent. What I was really doing was shrinking my self-concept so I didn’t have to risk visibility, judgment, or the discomfort of being fully seen.
Growth doesn’t happen when you finally feel “ready” to claim who you are. It happens when your body learns that expanding your identity doesn’t threaten your safety.
When your nervous system feels safe enough to hold a bigger self-image, you stop outsourcing your worth and start trusting what’s already true about you.
Grieving the version of you who survived by staying small is part of becoming the woman who no longer underestimates herself.
When you stop asking, “Who am I allowed to be?” and start asking, “What am I no longer willing to deny?” everything shifts — your confidence, your creativity, your capacity to shine.
That’s what it means to shine from the inside.
