What Jump Roping Taught Me About Self-Abandonment
I have jump rope trauma.
Generally, it lives in the undercurrents of my brain. But every time I see someone jump roping, it punches me in the face. Luckily, this is not a sight I see too often. However, I was at the gym last weekend, and I saw a woman jump roping with some crazy moves like side swings and criss-cross arms.
Initially, I was mesmerized by her skills, but then the shame hit me.
Why am I not over this by now?
It was not a rhetorical question. I earnestly thought about why I wasn’t over it. And I found that it’s not about jump roping. It’s about what happens when you outsource your worth to people who don’t even like themselves.
Since I already wrote about the full version of the jump rope shaming incident in my book, Running in Slippers, I am pasting some excerpts below, and then will follow with a reflection from 2026 Me.
To give some context around these excerpts, I was in Guam in late 2019 for a three-week dog-sitting assignment for five dogs. I was referred to this by a girl who told me I needed Botox (this will be addressed in the reflections!).
I had been living in Hawaii for about a year and had planned a solo trip to New Zealand and Australia later that year because I had just learned the concept of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I had always thought that people who made bold moves were fearless.
It turns out that most people do feel fear. The difference is that some people don’t let their fears hold them back.
I was so overzealous about expanding my comfort zone and facing my fears that I lost some common sense. When I was referred to this dog-sitting assignment, all I was thinking was that I love dogs, I love islands, and this was a perfect opportunity to uplevel.
What could go wrong?
Many things, actually. As a matter of fact, almost everything that could have gone wrong did. And if you are wondering if this was worse than my Morocco trip, I have been debating in my head which is worse because they were both horrible. If I had to rate them, they are equal.
To stay on topic with jump roping, I am only including the relevant parts of the chapter, but I will say Chapter 22, which is the entire Guam story, is hands-down a reader favorite story from Running in Slippers (the other is the car-gument with Ozzy). If you would like to read the full chapter, send me an email at angie@runninginslippers.com and I will send the full version of Chapter 22 as a gift!
What follows are excerpts from my book, written by a version of me who was just beginning to interrupt self-abandonment in real time. Read it, not for the drama, but for the pattern.
Excerpt #1
I need to work out.
I can’t even take a walk because the neighborhood is sketchy, and it’s too hot and humid. I Google gyms and find one of the only gyms on the entire island, which fortunately has five stars on Yelp. The gym is very state-of-the-art, unlike anything else in Guam. The girl at the counter tries to sell me a class pass for the classes, but I tell her I just want to work out. I look around. The only area to work out is where they are having the class. I pick up the class schedule so I know when not to come next time. I start my workout on the perimeter. The owner, Vinny, is teaching the class. He’s young and extremely attractive with an amazing, chiseled body. I observe the class. His approach is extremely militant in the way he orders everybody around. And he shames one of the girls for not lining her bench up perfectly parallel to the seam on the floor. “And you still think you are a smart person?” Vinny snaps.
Even after the workout, when they are taking group photos for Instagram, Vinny barks at the group, “Two regular and one Boomerang!”
He casually approaches me and asks about my workouts. He tries to sell me on the classes. I don’t want to do the classes. He is way too strict for me. But he sells me on the classes, probably because he is hot with a chiseled body. I go the next day.
I initiate a conversation with another class member, Tara. She doesn’t know what is going on, so she follows Chris. Chris is half Korean, which he mentions at least three times throughout our first conversation. I also meet Ben, from the Philippines, and François, who is wearing huge, bling diamond earrings for this workout. It’s a good workout but odd because the front desk girl is taking pictures like the paparazzi the entire time. I take it Vinny is big on pictures for social media. Since I had seen Vinny’s militant style, I make sure to follow his every command, so I don’t get shamed. We are doing squats today. Vinny asks me how much I can squat. I can’t remember, but I don’t want him to shame me for not knowing, so I confidently respond, “One fifty.”
Oh shit, I hope I can squat one hundred and fifty pounds.
I can! And as I do, I hear Vinny shame Ben for not consolidating his weights. He is using ten-pound and thirty-five-pound plates instead of forty-five-pound plates. Vinny sneers, “Have you ever heard of math?”
Excerpt #2
I can do this! Maybe.
The dogs are so gross, and I don’t want to give them baths again. Lady is still sh*tting like crazy. They are all so needy I can’t stand it. I go to the beach again to escape. It’s deserted except for some sketchy people in the parking lot. I will not be a victim. I can’t take it anymore. The dogs are unruly. The cat is driving me nuts. The house is gross. The litter box is gross. The neighbor’s roosters are gross. The neighborhood is gross. The beaches are gross. The weather is gross. I can’t leave because of the pets, but something has to give. I text Vanessa and tell her that someone else needs to watch Lady. It’s a start. Vanessa texts me back and says she will ask one of her friends.
I go to the gym, my safe haven. We start the workout with a two-minute jump rope warm-up. After the two minutes is up, Vinny goes on a rant. “Have you ever seen someone running with horrible form and you think to yourself, ‘What the hell are they doing?’ I just saw a dude last week at a 5k, and he looked like he was disabled and trying to run. I thought to myself, ‘Dude, just stay home. You look stupid as f*ck. Stop running. Go home.’” Vinny looks directly at me. “That’s exactly how I felt when I saw you jump roping.”
A fireball of shame explodes in my chest, but for the first time in my life, I don’t absorb it and take it as the truth. The painful feeling is contained in my chest, but I simply observe it and let it peacefully pass through me. Then, I reflect.
Wow, he must be really emotionally f*cked up to feel the need to embarrass me in front of this entire class, including Tara and Chris who are the only friends I have on this horrible dog sitting excursion.
I mean, this guy is the owner. He could have said, “Hey, I noticed you have an imbalance. I can help you fix it,” or, “Here are some tips on jump roping form,” or, “Maybe you can jog in place for the warm-up, so you don’t get injured from having poor form.” It’s ironic because he is so beautiful on the outside, but all I see in this moment is how ugly he is. Old Me would start crying. Old Me would leave immediately, embarrassed and red-faced. Old Me would absorb every word of that rant and add it to her list of reasons why she doesn’t deserve to be loved. But New Me takes the wheel and speaks up to this dude who clearly has small dick energy so bad that he feels the need to embarrass the fittest person in the class and the only person who actually lasted the whole two minutes jump roping, despite not having perfectly aligned feet. “I didn’t realize my form was off. Thanks for pointing it out so I can work on it.”
We finish the workout without further incident, but the gym, my former safe haven, now feels unsafe.
People who hate themselves will take it out on other people.
Growing up, my mother was extremely critical. She would criticize my face, my clothes, my quirkiness, things I did, and things I said. This even continued into adulthood. Because this is how it always was, for the first forty years of my life, I believed that I didn’t inherently deserve to be loved, and if anyone else criticized me, it seemed perfectly normal. Even deserving.
The entire reason I went to Guam was that someone I knew had been on this same dog-sitting assignment and recommended it to me. This is the same person who told me I needed Botox. I know this may seem like a glaring red flag, but even though I had done some inner work on myself by this point, again, someone criticizing my face seemed perfectly normal. So even though it hurt my feelings, it fell under the red flag radar.
If I could redo that moment in time as 2026 Me, I would have said, “What made you feel comfortable saying that out loud?”
Or “Why are you even worried about my face? Why are you worried about how miserable you are in your own life and taking it out on other people so you can get a little hit of dopamine to feel better about yourself by putting other people down?”
If I had any self-respect or self-worth, I never even would have gone to Guam in the first place. But this single decision is what put me in a position to meet the gym owner.
2026 Me, never would have caved in and gone to the classes because I had seen what a jerk he was to the other students. “No, thank you. I heard you criticizing some of the students, and that’s not something I'm interested in engaging with.”
2026 Me would have spoken up for the other students that he criticized because everybody else was too afraid to speak up for themselves because that was the only quality gym on the island. “Just because she didn’t meet your impossible, unspoken standards, doesn’t mean she’s not a smart person.”
2026 Me would have stood up for myself. “You own this f*cking gym. You could have helped me with my form, but instead you chose to criticize me about it because you hate yourself and take it out on us.”
Self-Abandonment is Making Other People’s Comfort More Important Than Your Own.
2019 Me didn’t have the boldness to say any of those things (although I am proud of how I responded to the gym owner at that time because it was an improvement from prior versions of me) because I had zero self-worth, so I concerned myself with other people’s self-worth. I spend my time and energy coddling their feelings. I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings.
F*ck that shit.
If you are concerned about keeping the peace or not rocking the boat, keep in mind that your emotional and physical safety should always be your top priority. So if your internal boat is rocking, then you need to keep that peace, even if it means flipping over the boat that caused the wake.
I’m not saying to be aggressive or mean, but if someone who hates themselves is taking it out on you, there is no need to coddle their feelings.
Self-worth is revealed in what you’re no longer willing to absorb, not in how much you tolerate.
Losing your self-worth to protect someone else’s ego is self-abandonment, not kindness.
And in 2026, we are no longer available to abandon ourselves.
Glow Tip:
Self-Respect Over Self-Silencing
If you freeze instead of speaking when someone crosses a line, it’s not because you’re weak or “too sensitive.” It’s because your nervous system learned that staying quiet once felt safer than being seen.
Self-silencing is a survival reflex, not emotional maturity.
For a long time, I thought letting things slide meant I was evolved, compassionate, and strong. What I was really doing was protecting other people’s egos, so I didn’t have to feel guilt, risk conflict, or face the grief of outgrowing who I used to be.
Up-leveling doesn’t happen when you finally say the perfect thing. It happens when your body learns that you can speak up and still be safe.
When your nervous system feels safe enough to choose self-respect, it stops bracing for backlash and starts trusting your voice.
Grieving the version of you who survived by staying small is a necessary step into the woman who no longer abandons herself to keep the peace.
When you stop asking, “How do I avoid making this uncomfortable?” and start asking, “What am I available for now?” everything recalibrates — your standards, your confidence, your energy.
That’s what it means to shine from the inside.
If this landed in your body, not just your head…
You don’t need more insight.
You don’t need another book, podcast, or mantra to repeat while your body keeps freezing.
You need safety.
And you need to know what to do when the moment hits.
People-Pleaser to Powerhouse: Break Free From External Approval Addiction is a 70-minute, nervous–system–rooted masterclass designed for women who are done abandoning themselves to keep the peace — but don’t want to become hardened, aggressive, or disconnected in the process.
Inside, you’ll learn how to:
Recognize approval-seeking as it’s happening in your body
Regulate guilt, fear, and panic in real time
Stop performing for love and start trusting yourself
Build standards that don’t require self-betrayal
Feel grounded and powerful without needing external validation
This isn’t motivation. It’s identity-level reprogramming.
And as a bonus, everyone who completes the masterclass receives a free 60-minute Find Your Glow Session with me, where we personalize this work to your patterns, relationships, and next level.
You don’t need to become someone else. You need to stop surviving as someone you’re not.
👉 Join the People-Pleaser to Powerhouse Masterclass: https://www.runninginslippers.com/masterclass
Founding Rate available — use code GLOW
Let’s turn your light back on without abandoning yourself to do it.
You’re Not Being Nice. You’re Abandoning Yourself- New YouTube Video!
People-pleasing isn’t exhausting because you’re doing too much. It’s exhausting because you’re abandoning yourself, and abandonment always comes with a price.
It costs your energy, confidence, and eventually your life force.
This week’s YouTube video is for the woman who:
Feels anxious when someone is upset with her
Says yes while her body is screaming no
Overexplains, over-prepares, over-functions
Looks “high functioning” on the outside but feels chronically drained on the inside
And before you think, “Yeah yeah, I already know I people-please,” this isn’t a validation video.
I break down:
Why people-pleasing is actually nervous system hypervigilance
How it starts as a survival strategy (not a personality trait)
Why rest doesn’t fix this kind of exhaustion
And what actually has to change for people-pleasing to stop running your life
This isn’t theory. I lived this. I built half my life around it, and burned out because of it.
If you’ve done the therapy, read the books, tried to “just have better boundaries,” and still feel stuck, then this is for you.
Because you’re not tired because you’re busy. You’re tired because you’re never off duty.
And if it hits, stay tuned for more because this is part of a series about transforming from a people-pleaser to a powerhouse!
