We’re Unavailable for One-Sided Energy

When You Realize You’re Over-Investing

Over the weekend, I went to a birthday gathering at a beach park hosted by a friend.

She was the only person that I knew, so when I arrived, she introduced me to the other guests. While I was there, I only talked to three or four other people. And by talk, I mean saying more than “Hi, what is your name?”

At one point, I found myself in a conversation with a man who was telling me all about his world travels and the properties he owns. I noticed that he had shown zero interest in me.

On a few occasions, I felt the urge to respond to him in a way that made me feel relatable or that would give him something to grasp onto to be interested in me.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, and I had only been there for about an hour, but suddenly, a wave of exhaustion fell over me.

Why am I feeling so drained?

And then it hit me. I was the only one being curious about the other guests. I had not been getting the same energy in return, and it was draining.

Old Me would have said something to “make” them be interested in me. Old Me would have taken it personally that nobody was interested in getting to know me.

What’s wrong with me?

But New Me was loud and clear:

These aren’t my people. It’s time for me to go.

And I did shortly afterwards. If I had stayed, I wouldn’t have just been staying at a beach party. I would’ve been reinforcing the identity of the woman who tolerates one-sided energy.

I am not available for emotional breadcrumbs anymore because I am a woman who fiercely protects my energy and chooses rooms that feel reciprocal.

It’s Not Personal. It’s Misaligned.

I used to take things like this personally.

Why aren’t they curious about me?

And I would feel like there was something wrong with me.

And no, this isn’t about villainizing anyone. Sometimes people are self-absorbed, and sometimes they’re awkward. And there’s a gazillion other reasons, but it’s not about analyzing someone else’s behavior.

Most of the time, it’s simply not about you.

Performing for Approval Is Still Performing

And here’s the thing that most people don’t want to admit: people pleasing is manipulative.

The Old Me behavior of saying something to try to get someone to like me is a perfect example. I wasn’t operating from a place of do I even want to be in a conversation with this person? I was operating from a place of how can I get them to want to be in a conversation with me?

Once I started the inner work and became aware of why I was doing this, for a while, I would still people-please and then reflect afterward. Now, I catch it in real time.

This is why it’s so important to question everything you do and why you do it. You can start understanding the motivations for why you’re doing something and honestly ask yourself: Is this coming from a wound or authenticity?

The G in my GLOW Method stands for Go Back to Your Childhood, and goes even deeper. We uncover the root of your limiting beliefs, so you can start operating from a space of being a functional adult.

I Was Reinforcing the Dynamic

In any situation, we have some degree of accountability.

In telling this story to a friend, she told me that in her people-pleasing era, she would intentionally put herself in the position of the question-asker because it has been psychologically proven that if you ask other people questions, they immediately find you interesting, even though they don’t have any information about who you are.

I realized something uncomfortable. By always being the question-asker, I was conditioning people not to ask about me. I had been unintentionally curating the dynamic, then resenting it.

Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.

Standards Change the Room

The real upgrade isn’t getting people to be more curious about you. It’s becoming the woman who no longer performs to be chosen.

That day at the beach wasn’t about a man who talked too much. It was about choosing not to abandon myself in subtle ways anymore. And once you stop being unavailable for anything that makes you shrink, everything changes.

Glow Tip:

This is something simple you can start implementing in your day-to-day life.

Think of one place where you consistently over-invest in conversation. Maybe it’s:

• Networking events where you carry the dialogue.
• Dates where you ask all the questions.
• Friend gatherings where you leave feeling drained.
• Work meetings where you over-explain to be understood.
• Family dynamics where you soften your truth to keep things smooth.

Instead of asking, “How can I keep this flowing?” ask yourself:

Do I even want to be in this conversation?

Notice what comes up.

Do you feel the urge to perform? Prove you’re interesting? Make yourself more relatable? Rescue the silence? Protect the other person from discomfort?

Most women over-function before they even realize they’re doing it. But the shift happens the moment you pause instead of performing.

You have to show yourself that you are the kind of woman who doesn’t reinforce one-sided energy just to feel chosen.

So pick one micro action that aligns with the woman who chooses rooms that feel reciprocal. Maybe you let the silence sit, stop asking the next question, leave earlier, or don’t explain yourself.

You don’t need the full plan. You need alignment with the identity.

Because once you stop abandoning yourself in subtle ways, everything changes.

That’s how you stop playing small. That’s how you close the final 20% between who you are and who you want to be.

And that’s what it means to shine from the inside.