Trying to Hold Everything Together Is Exhausting. Self-Trust Is Liberating.
I have been wearing real flower earrings for at least four years now.
I string pua (flower) on pukas (hoop earrings). I double-reinforce the backing on the earrings, but if the flowers come off while surfing, it’s part of the natural cycle of being returned to nature.
I surf almost every day, so at my regular surf spot, I am known for the flower earrings. Some people don’t even know my name. They just call me “the girl with the flower earrings.”
Prepping the earrings is just as much part of my getting-ready-to-surf routine as putting on sunscreen or packing my leash. Even on days when I am getting off a long stretch of work calls and frazzled with eagerness to get in the ocean, I never forget the earrings.
Until last week.
I hosted a 3-day masterclass, The Money Story Rewrite, and still had my other coaching calls. On Wednesday, the masterclass came at the end of a long stretch of calls, and I was nearly frantic about taking a break and rejuvenating in the ocean.
I was hasty while getting ready, which wasn’t too unusual, but didn’t impact my routine much. I even remembered to eat a snack since it was noon, and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast at 6 am.
Everything seemed normal until the second I hit the water and started paddling out to the lineup.
Oh shit, I forgot my earrings.
I felt naked. I started to have a mild anxiety attack until I remembered that the earrings don’t affect my performance.
It’s just one day without them. I’ll be fine.
But my critical inner voice couldn’t let it go.
How could you forget?
You haven’t forgotten one time in over four years.
How could you be so stupid?
Functional Adult Angie stepped in.
I’m a human being. I make mistakes. I’ll remember tomorrow.
But admittedly, because I pride myself on having a good memory, it continued to bother me that I forgot.
Until about halfway through my session.
A big, powerful set of waves came through, and I was caught on the inside. Meaning, even if you aren’t actively catching a wave, ideally, you want to be behind the wave before it breaks, otherwise, you are left to figure out how to navigate a wall of whitewash coming at your face.
The waves were about four feet high on the face, which isn’t massive, but it was daunting, and they had power, so I had to be extra strategic about how to navigate the situation, so I didn’t get injured or put anyone else around me in danger.
I was wearing a leash and looked around me. There was nobody else around, so I ditched my surfboard and dove underneath the wave that was just about to smash into my face. I have done this before, and I find it to be the safest for both my body and my board (although I have been criticized because my leash could break).
What I didn’t realize when I dove under was that my leash was tangled. From the twisted position, the leash aggressively brushed over my right earlobe, where my earring would have been.
I didn’t forget my earrings.
I was protected.
We are so uncomfortable with uncertainty that we become obsessed with planning, and we’d rather believe we did something wrong than accept we simply don’t know the whole story yet.
I couldn’t stand that I forgot my earrings to the point that I was having an emotional reaction that was equivalent to being in physical danger.
But not wearing the earrings that day was the thing that saved me from having my earlobe ripped through with a hoop earring.
A lot of us spend our lives trying to eliminate uncertainty. Financial advisors build retirement plans, executives create five-year strategic plans, project managers build timelines, travelers color-code itineraries, and parents spend months writing birth plans.
And almost none of those things unfold exactly the way we expect.
Someone spends forty years saving for retirement and has a fatal heart attack six months after leaving work.
A woman writes the perfect birth plan and ends up needing an emergency C-section.
A traveler meticulously plans every stop in Italy, and the story they tell for the next twenty years starts with, “We got completely lost…”
Some of the best moments of our lives happen because the plan fell apart. And some of the worst moments are understandable in hindsight.
Don’t get me wrong, having a plan is a great idea. But maybe the larger goal is to become the kind of person who trusts yourself no matter what uncertainty brings.
We have all survived things that we were convinced had gone “wrong.” Just like we’ve survived every canceled flight, every heartbreak, every job loss, every plan that fell apart, and every plot twist we never would’ve chosen.
Self-trust comes through collecting enough evidence that you’ll figure it out either way.
Not the confidence you can read your way into from a book, or manifest with a candle and a journal prompt. The kind of self-trust you can only get by actually diving under the wave.
Taking bold action and stepping up to life is how we prove to ourselves just how capable we are.
For years, I thought peace came from certainty. If I planned enough, saved enough, prepared enough, and worked hard enough, I could finally relax.
That’s what subconscious stories do. They assign meaning before we ever have a chance to question it.
And until you uncover those stories, you’ll keep reacting to life instead of responding to it.
The real question is: Do you trust yourself to handle whatever happens next?
The goal isn’t to become someone who never forgets her earrings. It’s to become someone who no longer believes every story her subconscious tells her.
Glow Tip:
This is something simple you can start implementing in your day-to-day life.
This week, notice every time something doesn’t go according to plan, like your meeting gets canceled, you miss your exit, your grocery store is out of the one thing you came for, someone says no, or you forget something.
Before your inner critic jumps in with, “Ugh, how could I be so stupid?!”
Pause. And become an Identity Detective.
Ask yourself:
Is this actually a problem, or is my nervous system just uncomfortable with uncertainty?
Then ask yourself one more question:
If I trusted myself completely, how would I respond right now?
Because you’ve already survived every plot twist, every canceled plan, every heartbreak, every awkward conversation, and every mistake you thought you’d never recover from.
And you’re still here. That’s evidence.
Self-trust is built by collecting proof that you’ll figure it out, even when the plan falls apart.
Stop asking, “How do I make sure nothing goes wrong?”
Start asking, “What evidence do I already have that I can handle whatever comes next?”
Every experience leaves evidence. Every piece of evidence builds self-trust.
And that’s what it means to shine from the inside.
You Think You’re Making Financial Decisions. You’re Actually Following Family Rules.
Imagine realizing…
You don’t actually believe rich people are greedy. Your parents believed rich people were greedy.
You didn’t buy the $248 skincare routine because you “deserved a little treat.” You were trying to give yourself the comfort you never learned how to create from within.
You didn’t spend three hours rewriting an email because you’re detail-oriented. You were trying to make yourself impossible to criticize.
You weren’t born this way. You were following a story you inherited before you were old enough to question it.
That’s exactly what happened inside The Money Story Rewrite.
Over three days, I uncovered the invisible beliefs that have been making your financial, career, visibility, and relationship decisions on autopilot.
Because once you can finally see the story, you stop believing it’s the truth.
Inside the replays, you’ll discover:
• Why your nervous system would rather keep you broke than let your parents be wrong.
• Money isn’t slipping through your fingers. You’re trying to buy a feeling.
• People aren’t ignoring your content. They’re connecting with the version of you that’s still trying to be liked instead of the version that’s actually you.
• The reason you undercharge is probably the same reason you over-apologize.
You don’t need another budgeting app sending passive-aggressive notifications because you bought a $9 latte after spending $312 at Target pretending you “just needed toothpaste.”
You don’t need another full moon money ritual, abundance check, or $88 manifestation workshop promising the universe is finally about to deposit six figures into your checking account.
You need to stop letting a six-year-old version of you make adult financial decisions.
If you’re ready to stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking,
“What story has been quietly running my life?”
I’d love for you to watch the replay.
Because the most expensive story you’ll ever believe is the one you never realize you’re living.
With Love & Fire,
Angie
https://www.innerglowbyangie.com/
Angie Hawkins is The Inner Glow Coach who helps successful-on-paper women rewrite the subconscious money stories behind overworking, undercharging, impulse shopping, and waiting for the other shoe to drop, so they stop letting childhood beliefs make their adult decisions, know their worth, use their voice, and create a life that feels as good as it looks.
Through her signature GLOW Method, Angie combines money story rewriting, identity work, practical money strategy, and real-time action to help women stop playing small, use their voice with confidence, and become the kind of woman who naturally attracts more money, opportunities, visibility, and fulfillment.
She is the author of Running in Slippers, a raw and vulnerable memoir about finding resilience after emotional rock bottom.
Angie has moved from Chicago to Hawaii on her own, jumped out of a helicopter and into the ocean Navy SEAL-style, bungee jumped, skydived, and cliff jumped, yet is still terrified about allowing herself to be seen.
