When Surfing Taught Me What the Self-Help Books Couldn’t
There’s a book by psychologist Carol Dweck called Mindset that explores the difference between the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.
A fixed mindset believes your abilities are set. If you’re not good at something right away, you never will be. If you fail, it’s a reflection of your worth, so you avoid trying. Or you only try the things you already know you’ll succeed at.
That was me.
For a long time, I genuinely believed that if I wasn’t naturally talented at something, I had no business doing it. Failure wasn’t just uncomfortable, it felt like proof that I wasn’t good enough. That belief ran deep.
I wish I could tell you I read Mindset and had some kind of magical awakening. That I highlighted a few passages and immediately started changing how I think. That I faced a challenge with new eyes and didn’t quit.
Alas, that is not how it went down It started in the ocean.
How the Ocean Changed My Mind
I started surfing during COVID. Not because I loved the ocean or felt drawn to it in some deep spiritual way. Not even because I thought it would be fun.
I started because everything else was closed, and the ocean was open and legal. So I gave surfing a try. And I didn’t really like it. I wasn’t good at it, which made it frustrating. It scared me. Waves, wipeouts, all of it. I wasn’t a natural. I didn’t glide effortlessly. I swallowed salt water. I fell a lot. And my critical inner voice was always there to remind me:
“You’re not good at this. You’re not a surfer. This isn’t for you.”
But strangely, I didn’t stop. I think part of me kept going because, well, what else was I going to do? But somewhere in that repetition of falling, paddling, falling again, something cracked open. I wasn’t improving fast, but I was improving. And that tiny shift in momentum sparked something in me.
What Surfing Taught Me About Growth
As restrictions eased and the world opened back up, something surprising happened: I got better. I was catching more waves. I started understanding the rhythm of the ocean. I was learning. And with that, I wanted to keep learning. I wanted to get better. Not to prove anything, but just because I could. For the first time, I wasn’t chasing perfection or avoiding failure. I was simply showing up and letting myself be a beginner.
That’s when I realized: I had developed a growth mindset by accident.
Growth Isn’t Just About Skills
Surfing made me more resilient. It taught me that:
I can learn anything if I’m willing to stay in the discomfort of not being good at it yet.
Failure isn’t the end. It's a lesson that I can learn from.
Progress isn’t linear.
Courage isn’t about confidence. It’s about trying anyway.
And best of all? I fell in love with something I used to fear.
I now love the ocean. I crave the freedom, the salt, the flow. I thought I had to be good at something to enjoy it. Turns out, I just have to be willing.
What This Means for You
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m just not good at that,”
If you’ve avoided starting because you’re afraid to suck,
If you’ve let perfectionism keep you from discovering what lights you up,
You are allowed to be bad at something before you get good. You are allowed to not “feel ready.” You are allowed to try and fail.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear: What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t let yourself start?
