What If You Don’t Actually Believe Half Of The Bullshit Rules You’re Living By?

I grew up with emotionally immature parents. Therefore, having my own opinion was a threat to their authority, so I learned to shut up and go with the flow.

This behavior served me very well in the K-12 school system, college system, and Corporate America system. I blindly followed the rules, never questioning where the “rules” came from (or if they even made sense!), and checked off all the boxes of what I was “supposed” to be doing in my life.

It didn’t necessarily feel good to live like this, but I had no idea who I was or what I wanted because it had never been a consideration for anybody else, so why the hell should I care what I want?! So I went along with it, assuming that’s what it meant to be an adult.

In my second job out of college, I was a financial analyst at a financial services company. My original manager transferred to another department, and I inherited a new manager. Let’s call him Richard.

Almost every time I made a suggestion or voiced an opinion, Richard would question it. Being a people-pleaser, I didn’t dare disagree with him, but he would encourage me to debate with him. It felt really uncomfortable, and I didn’t like it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t like Richard either because he’s arguing with me, and I don’t like it because I’ve been conditioned to sweep everything under the rug, and this is too confronting.

Then, like a National Geographic journalist, I started to observe Richard and one of my peers, let’s call him Steve, interact. Richard would question Steve in the same way that he did me. But instead of backing down, Steve would confidently explain the logic behind his statement. If Richard agreed, he would say so. And if he didn’t, they would have a rational conversation about both points of view.

I had never witnessed this kind of behavior before. It slowly led to the realization of what Richard was actually doing. And that led me to develop one of the greatest habits of my entire life: independent thinking.

He taught me…get ready for it… that I was allowed to think my own thoughts. And have my own opinion! Holy shit!

I was allowed to question something, respectfully disagree with someone who had more authority than me, and come to my own conclusion instead of automatically assuming somebody else knew better.

And over the years, I’ve realized three things that are essential if you want to learn how to think for yourself.

1. Question everything you do and WHY you do it.

In the early days of my healing journey, I learned this concept, and it completely changed my life. When I say healing journey, I am not talking about the decades I spent reading self-help books and not actually implementing anything I learned or manifesting with crystals, going to yoga on the beach, journaling in fancy journals, or doing almost anything other than actual healing.

I’m talking about facing myself and how I was contributing to the dysfunction of my life.

And when I say question everything, I mean everything:

Why did I say that?
Because I wanted them to like me, so I softened what I actually meant to make THEM more comfortable.

Why did I do that?
Because saying no felt rude, even though I didn’t actually want to do it.

Why am I feeling this way right now?
Because someone seemed disappointed in me, and I immediately assumed I had done something wrong.

Why did I choose this outfit?
Because I liked the other one better, but I was worried people would think it was too much.

Why do I feel guilty about sleeping in?
Because growing up, I learned that resting meant I was lazy.

Why does it give me anxiety to drive?
Because I don’t trust myself to handle dealing with something unexpected.

Why don’t I like being around this person?
Because I spend the entire time monitoring what I say, editing myself, and trying not to upset them.

At first, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but once you start peeling back the layers of the onion and keep asking why, you start seeing themes.

My themes were: I thought being a good person meant being easy to deal with, rest had to be earned, changing my mind meant I was flaky, disappointing someone meant I had done something wrong, having more money meant working harder, saying no required a really f*cking good excuse, and that other people being upset with me meant I needed to fix something.

And not every single thing you do will have some profound psychological meaning. Sometimes you wore the blue shirt because the blue shirt was clean, not because of some Blue Shirt Childhood Trauma.

But if the same answer keeps showing up over and over again, pay attention. Because eventually you start realizing:

Holy shit, I’m not making this decision because I want to. I’m making it because I don’t want to be judged, I don’t want to be rejected, it’s too uncomfortable to go against the crowd, or I learned this is what I’m “supposed” to do from my parents or other adults in my life.

And once you can see the rule, you finally get to decide whether you still want to follow it.

By the way, money is one of the easiest places to see this. Maybe you grew up hearing:

Money doesn’t grow on trees.
Rich people are greedy.
You have to work hard for every dollar.
Be grateful for what you have.
People like us don’t have that kind of money.

And maybe you never consciously decided any of those things were true. You just inherited them as the truth.

Then Adult You is working twice as hard as everyone else, feeling guilty spending money on yourself, undercharging, avoiding the salary raise conversation, or thinking wanting more makes you ungrateful.

2. You must master discernment because other people give advice through the lens of THEIR life.

This distinction is important because independent thinking doesn’t mean “Nobody can tell me shit.”

You can seek advice, learn from experts, and listen to people you respect. But then you have to discern what belongs to you.

Just because someone gets up at 5 am, runs ten miles, takes a cold plunge, and then meditates for two hours as part of their morning routine doesn’t mean that same thing will work for you.

Just because a business coach built her audience posting three Instagram Reels a day doesn’t mean you need to spend your life dancing next to floating text when you f*cking hate making short-form, dog and pony show content for TikTok attention spans.

Just because your mom thinks leaving a stable corporate job is irresponsible doesn’t mean staying in a job that drains the life out of your soul and puts you on the cusp of a mental health breakdown is the responsible choice for you.

Someone else’s advice comes filtered through their upbringing, fears, experiences, values, priorities, risk tolerance, and definition of success.

The real question is:

Is this good advice for ME, or is this what THEY would do?

And for whatever reason, some people get really f*cking uncomfortable when you choose what they wouldn’t make themselves.

And that’s not your problem.

That does not mean your choice is wrong. You have to learn to stand in your own authority and own your opinions without requiring everybody else to validate them.

They’re allowed to disagree. And trust me, a lot of people will disagree with your opinions. Some will even throw a temper tantrum about it.

Your only job is to make sure that your life makes sense to you.

Side note: The best way to know if you should take someone’s advice is to look at their life. Are they living the kind of life that you want to live? If not, don’t follow their roadmap. It’s as simple as that.

3. If you don’t learn to think for yourself, you’re easier to manipulate.

If you automatically assume the person with more authority, followers, money, credentials, confidence, or certainty must know better than you, you’ve handed someone else enormous power over your decisions.

Independent thinking gives you the ability to hear someone confidently say, “This is what you need to do,” and still ask:

“Based on f*cking what?”

Not everyone is trying to manipulate you. And manipulation doesn’t always look like someone sinisterly rubbing their hands together and plotting how to control you. Many times, it’s much more subtle, like:

Someone speaks with absolute certainty, so you assume they must know what they’re talking about.

Somebody says, “Everybody knows that,” and suddenly you’re embarrassed to admit you don’t agree.

An expert tells you there’s only one right way to do something.

A salesperson creates urgency so you rashly make a decision before you’ve had time to think.

A boss says, “Everyone else is willing to pitch in,” when what they really mean is they want you to work another ten hours for free.

Someone you love says, “If you really cared about me, you would…”

And if you haven’t developed the habit of stopping and asking “Wait. Is that actually true?” it is very easy to confuse somebody else’s confidence with truth.

That doesn’t mean you need to walk around all suspicious of everybody. It means listening, gathering information, asking questions, looking at evidence, and considering the source.

But don’t hand someone your decision-making authority just because they sound more certain than you feel.

Because the life that fits you might not make sense to everybody else.

Independent thinking is a habit.

It’s catching yourself when you automatically assume someone else knows better, noticing when you’re doing something because “that’s the way we’ve always done it,” asking where a belief came from before deciding it belongs to you, hearing advice without immediately turning it into instructions, and being willing to sit in the discomfort of someone disagreeing with you without rushing to change your mind just to make the tension go away.

And sometimes it’s realizing:

I actually don’t know what I think yet.

Which is okay too.

The goal is to stop living on autopilot long enough to ask yourself:

What do I actually believe?

Question the rules, discern what’s true for you, and then trust yourself enough to live according to your own rules.

Insight Is Cute. Now Act.

Because realizing you’ve been living by someone else’s rules is only useful if you stop automatically following them.

Think about one area of your life where you keep doing something because it feels like what you’re supposed to do.

For example, maybe you keep saying yes to things you don’t want to do because saying no feels selfish.

Or you’re working your a$$ off because somewhere along the way you learned that money only counts if you suffered for it.

Or maybe you keep asking five people what they think before making a decision you already know you want to make.

And I see you if you’re staying in a job, relationship, friendship, routine, or version of yourself because everybody else thinks it makes sense.

Pick one.

Now ask yourself:

“What rule am I following here?”

Good people don’t disappoint anyone.

Responsible adults stay in stable jobs.

Wanting more money makes me greedy.

If someone disagrees with me, I’m probably wrong.

I need a really good reason to say no. Or any reason at all.

Other people know better than I do.

Then get nosy:

Who taught me this?

Do I actually believe it?

What evidence do I have that it’s true?

Would I tell someone I love to live by this rule?

And here’s the big one:

What would I do differently this week if I stopped treating this rule like a law?

This could be no without writing a dissertation explaining why (I see you recovering people pleasers!), not asking anyone what they think before making the reservation, applying for the job, wearing the outfit, or sending the email, or even asking for more money without immediately backpedaling or making it all weird and awkward.

This is about making one small decision that tells yourself:

I’m allowed to question the rule. I’m allowed to decide what I believe. And I’m allowed to create my own rules for my life

Okay, But Now What?

What if your LinkedIn profile looks great, your life checks all the boxes, and you still feel like shit because half the rules you’re living by were never actually yours?

You got the degree because that’s what smart kids were supposed to do, took the stable job with benefits, chased the promotion and the bigger paycheck, stayed in relationships longer than you wanted because nothing was technically wrong, and kept being the reliable one, the responsible one, the woman who had her shit together.

On paper? You f*cking nailed it.

But if you never stopped to ask, Do I even want this?, you can end up with a life that looks successful and still feels weirdly disconnected from you.

That’s why I created the 80% Life Detector. It helps you look at the major areas of your life and figure out where you’re thriving, where you’re settling, and where you may be following old rules that don’t fit anymore.

Instead of vaguely thinking, Something feels off, you start seeing exactly where the gap is between the life you built and the life you actually want.

Because once you can see the missing 20%, you can start questioning the rules that created it and making choices that actually feel like yours.

👉 Download the free 80% Life Detector here: https://www.runninginslippers.com/email

P.S. This whole “think for yourself” thing applies to money too.

Because you can know you’re underpaid, know the market rate, know the number you want to ask for, and still start acting like your manager’s opinion is the final verdict on whether you’re actually worth it.

That’s where the old beliefs tend to sneak back in:

They have more authority, so they must know better than me.

Nope.

You are allowed to decide what you want, make the ask, and let them have their own answer without that meaning anything about you.

In this video, I’m breaking down what actually makes asking for more money feel so f*cking uncomfortable, how old money stories can sneak into the conversation, and why self-trust matters way more than finding the perfect sentence.

👉 Watch: How to Ask for More Money Without the “Just Be Confident” Bullshit

With Love & Fire,

Angie

https://www.innerglowbyangie.com/

I help you rewrite the childhood stories that are keeping Adult You quiet, overworked, and underpaid, so you can say what you fu*king mean, know your worth, and make more money.

Because you deserve to feel excited about your own life.

Through my signature GLOW Method, I combine money story rewriting, identity work, practical money strategy, and real-time action to help women stop playing small, use their voice with confidence, and become the kind of woman who naturally attracts more money, opportunities, visibility, and fulfillment.

I’m the author of Running in Slippers, a raw and vulnerable memoir about my journey from self-loathing and a suicide attempt to self-love and thriving. Life kicked me in the a$$, and, in hindsight, I needed it to.

I have moved from Chicago to Hawaii on my own, jumped out of a helicopter and into the ocean Navy SEAL-style, bungee jumped, skydived, and cliff jumped, yet I am still terrified about allowing myself to be seen.