You know what’s scarier than Friday the 13th?
Speaking your truth.
When I was a little girl, I loved to play, dance, and sing. But I was raised by emotionally immature parents. Little Angie had no idea what emotional immaturity was. All I knew was that I was “too much,” “too loud,” and if I had my own opinion or openly expressed myself in a way that my parents didn’t agree with, it was met with dismissiveness.
Now, if Little Angie had the emotional maturity of Adult Angie, I might have thought:
Wow. Imagine being a grown-ass adult who’s so uncomfortable with joy that a little girl singing and dancing in her own home is a problem. That sounds like a YOU issue. Anyway, back to the Debbie Gibson concert that I’m performing in my hot pink leg warmers on the trampoline.
But I was eight years old. I was a little girl who loved her parents and depended on them to teach me who I was. And instead of recognizing that their behavior said something about them, I made it mean something about me.
I don’t deserve to be loved.
And when you believe that the people who are supposed to love you don’t love you for who you are, you start editing yourself.
With this belief, I was not only terrified of being seen but also of speaking to people. I was so painfully shy as a child that I wouldn’t speak unless spoken to.
During class performances, I would lip-sync in the choir.
My voice doesn’t matter.
Making myself smaller went on for decades. And in my late thirties, I went on a few dates with a man, and on the third or so date, he said to me, “You never talk about yourself.”
“I didn’t think that you would care,” I replied.
And that wasn’t a jab at him. It truly didn’t occur to me that anyone cared about what I had to say.
From Lip-Syncing to Speaking Up
I led a talk called Unmute Your Magic at the Body Mind Spirit Celebration in Honolulu a few weeks ago. It was fifty minutes of doing the exact thing I spent decades being terrified of: standing in front of a room full of people, expressing myself, and letting them hear what I had to say.
No lip syncing this time.
And the best part was what happened when someone else decided to speak up.
At the beginning, I asked attendees to think of something they genuinely want but haven’t fully given themselves permission to express. It could be anything: a place they have always wanted to travel to, a place they wanted to live, a career, a hobby, a relationship, anything.
And I asked them to remove practicality, money, and other people’s opinions from the equation. Not whether it made sense or whether their spouse, mother, or the person who has an unsolicited opinion about everything would approve. Just what they wanted.
Then, we moved on. We returned to the exercise later, and at the very end, I asked if anybody wanted to share.
Several hands shot up immediately. But I called on the hand that was so excited it was actually waving.
A woman stood up and enthusiastically told us she was eighty-seven years old and had always wanted to write a book. She didn’t know where to start, but she’d been so inspired by the talk that she wanted to stand up and hold herself accountable for finally doing something about it.
The story doesn’t end there.
Another lady in the room spoke up because she was a ghostwriter and offered to help her get started on her book.
Holy fucking shit.
Do you see the ripple effect? Because I was brave enough to speak up, even though it didn’t feel totally comfortable, it led to at least one person being inspired to take action. And because she was brave enough to speak up, it led to her finding help with her book.
What Is Your Voice Costing You?
A lot of us are empaths, so at some point, you’ve probably been told that you’re too sensitive or too much, or maybe you have a gift that you want to share, but you’re terrified that other people will think that you’re weird.
But being YOU means that you get to question the judgments that are thrown at you, and you get to decide what genuinely aligns with who you are and what is true to you. Because somebody else’s inability to appreciate your magic doesn’t automatically mean that there’s something wrong with you.
I usually work with women where the cost of muting their magic is money, but the true cost is opportunities. And those opportunity costs are relationships where people never truly know us, careers that are shaped by approval rather than purpose, the gifts that we never share, the dreams we never pursue, the money we never ask for, or the experiences that we never explore.
Because when you spend your entire life managing what everybody else thinks about you, you never get to find out what your life could look like when you’re actually being yourself.
When I was a little girl, I dreamed of living in Hawaii and driving a red convertible. And when I talked about those dreams, I heard all the reasons that they might be too expensive, unrealistic, or difficult.
But here’s the thing, I live in Hawaii and drive a red convertible, and some of the most incredible experiences of my life happened because I stopped asking other people to decide what was possible for me.
Moving to Hawaii wasn’t the end of my story because I still had to figure out how to stop living for everybody else’s approval. I had to learn how to take care of myself and how to trust what I wanted and how to stop proving that I was worthy of love and respect because I already knew it deep within me. I had to stop treating the parts of myself that other people didn’t understand like something I needed to fix.
And it’s not about having the perfect life. It’s about being able to love the life you’re living because it actually feels like yours.
And coming home to yourself doesn’t mean that everyone will suddenly approve, because some people won’t. Some people may be disappointed. Some people prefer the version of you who always said yes and never challenged them and didn’t have any inconvenient needs. But other people’s discomfort doesn’t automatically mean that you’re doing something wrong.
So today, I want you to remember three things.
1. Not every belief that you’ve been living by is actually yours.
2. Your voice and behaviors can give you clues about where you’re still editing yourself for other people’s approval and dimming your light.
3. You can begin rewriting these stories and making choices that reflect who you actually want to be.
Because people are reading this who have spent years believing that they’re too sensitive. Someone else has a dream that they’re afraid to tell anyone about. Someone else knows exactly what they want to say, but they’re afraid of what will happen when they say it.
And maybe somebody else has a gift that they genuinely want to share with the world, but they’ve been waiting for permission from people who may never give it.
And here’s what I want you to know: You don’t need everyone to understand you. You don’t need everyone to agree with you, and you sure as hell don’t need everybody’s permission to live a life that actually feels like yours.
So do you want to spend your life blending in, or do you want to be extra and live like your heart is on fire?
Because somewhere out there, someone might be waiting to hear exactly what you’ve been afraid to say.
But how is anybody going to know how amazing you are if you keep staying quiet, being agreeable, and making yourself smaller so that OTHER people feel comfortable?
Hell, say it out loud near your phone. If it’s going to listen to your conversations anyway, it might as well start advertising your dream life.
Insight Is Cute. Now Act.
Knowing you’ve spent years keeping your mouth shut doesn’t automatically make it easy to start speaking up.
This week, pay attention to one situation where you’re staying quiet because you’re afraid of how someone might respond.
Like, you’ve been wanting to ask for a raise, but every time you imagine the conversation, you convince yourself your boss will think you’re ungrateful. So you keep working your ass off and hoping someone notices.
Or you’ve been dreaming about starting a business, writing a book, or doing something completely different with your life, but you haven’t told anyone because you’re afraid they’ll tell you it’s unrealistic. So your dream stays safely tucked away in your head, where nobody can criticize it.
Or maybe you’re on a date with someone who spends the entire evening talking about themselves. You have a hundred interesting stories of your own, but you never share them because you’re worried other people won’t care.
Before you automatically swallow your words, ask yourself:
What am I afraid will happen if I say what I actually mean?
Am I staying quiet because I genuinely don’t want to say anything, or because I’m trying to manage someone else’s reaction?
What opportunities, connections, or experiences might I be missing by keeping this to myself?
Then, practice one small act of self-expression.
Ask the question you’ve been avoiding. Tell someone about the dream you’ve been keeping to yourself. Share your opinion even if the person across from you might disagree. Or, for the love of Debbie Gibson, tell the guy on your date something about yourself instead of interviewing him like he’s applying for a mortgage.
And here’s the part I learned the hard way:
If you recognize that you’ve been silencing yourself for years, don’t turn around and beat yourself up for it.
You may have learned very early that expressing yourself came with criticism, rejection, or disapproval. Of course, speaking up can feel uncomfortable when staying quiet was how you learned to protect yourself.
Notice when you hold back, get curious about what you’re afraid might happen, and give yourself the compassion you needed when you first learned that your voice didn’t matter.
And start making different choices, one conversation at a time.
Okay, But Now What?
Coming Soon: Say What You F*cking Mean
You can rehearse what you’re going to say in the shower with the attitude of a Real Housewife at a reunion, but the second you’re face-to-face with another human being, you start apologizing for existing.
Or you know you deserve a raise, but the second you ask your boss for one, your voice jumps three octaves and “I’d like to discuss my compensation,” comes out sounding like “Would it be okay if maybe you paid me a little more? If that’s okay with you?”
Or you’re brilliant at what you do, but the second you hit record for an Instagram Reel, you sound like a hostage reading a ransom demand script.
Different behaviors. Same belief: Somewhere along the way, you may have learned that fully expressing yourself wasn’t safe.
And that shit can get expensive, not just financially, but in the opportunities, relationships, and experiences you miss because you’re afraid to open your mouth.
That’s why I created Say What You F*cking Mean, my upcoming ebook that explores the protective sounds covering your authentic voice and how they may be costing you money.
Together, we’ll investigate how others may be hearing those subconscious patterns, even when your words tell a different story (including why your real voice disappears faster than the office snacks the second someone says, “Tell us a little about yourself!”).
The eBook is coming soon! Join my email list to get updates and be among the first to know when it’s available.
👉 Join the list for Say What You F*cking Mean updates
P.S. What if the person keeping you from living your dream life isn’t your mother, boss, or ex? What if it’s the version of YOU who learned to keep everybody else happy?
In this video, I’m unpacking how childhood beliefs can shape your identity, why being an empath can turn into self-abandonment, and how staying quiet about what you want may be costing you money, relationships, and opportunities you don’t even know exist.
👉 Watch: Other People Won’t Like Your Life Decisions & That’s Okay. Let Mom Be Disappointed.
With love and a whole lot of glow,
Angie
https://www.innerglowbyangie.com/
Your subconscious beliefs don’t just live in your head. I can hear them in your voice, and they may be costing you a fuckton of money. Let’s rewrite the stories that are keeping you quiet, overworked, and underpaid so you can stop watering down your quirky-ass self to keep everyone comfortable.
Through my signature GLOW Method, I combine money story rewriting, identity work, practical money strategy, and real-time action to help women stop playing small, use their voice with confidence, and become the kind of woman who naturally attracts more money, opportunities, visibility, and fulfillment.
I’m the author of Running in Slippers, a raw and vulnerable memoir about my journey from self-loathing and a suicide attempt to self-love and thriving.
I have moved from Chicago to Hawaii on my own, jumped out of a helicopter and into the ocean Navy SEAL-style, bungee jumped, skydived, and cliff jumped, yet I am still terrified about allowing myself to be seen.
